Week 74: One More Month?

Today, I just want to share a brief testimony of how amazing it is to be a missionary, to be a part of the work of salvation, and to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love this work. I love being here.

When I came on my mission, I thought that I was doing it to "pay back" Heavenly Father, and to serve others. I was doing it for some of those reasons. But because I thought that I was doing it as a "bonus," because it wasn't something that I was required to do, I thought that it would be okay to just hold back little bit. A little corner of my heart. I wasn't quite willing to turn it all over to the Lord.

Then, about five months in, I had a change of heart. It's hard to describe. Piece by piece, I had been realizing that my mission WAS a requirement for me, and that, like King Benjamin describes, I was being "immediately blessed" for my service. So there was no way I would ever be able to repay the Lord. So I turned more and more of my heart over to the work, and finally I just had that one piece staked out, and I thought, "Nope. This one's mine. I'll give everything else over, but I need this little bit." But I received an answer about that, as I was reading the Book of Mormon one day in my personal study. And I changed. I gave it all up. It was a very, very humbling experience for me.

The next portion of my mission, I think, was learning about the Atonement. Okay, all of my mission has been learning about the Atonement, but I really started to learn how to apply the Atonement. And to recognize the promptings of the Spirit. I had another epiphany about that... I call them epiphanies, but really, they're just moments of revelation. Realizations that sound so simple and obvious when you put them into words, but are really quite profound when you ponder them in your heart and allow them to sink in.

Sunday, I had a turning moment, an epiphany, a moment of revelation. I was sitting in our ward council, the first one since our bishop passed away. It was an absolutely wonderful meeting about the vision of the ward in their efforts to serve and to rescue. But I had a moment when I was sitting there, where I felt sadness that I wouldn't be there as a missionary for much longer. I won't be able to see that vision fulfilled, and I really longed to see it! I knew that miracles were on the horizon, and while I'll be able to see some of them in the next month, I won't see them all. And I felt a twinge of envy for those lucky missionaries who WILL see those moments. But as I sat there, reflecting on this, this thought came to my mind: "I have set my hand to the plow. And I can never turn back."

My mission has blessed my life forever. I have been changed. My heart, my mind, my very nature have been changed. I am not scared to go home. The only thing that scares me is the thought that maybe I'll find that I haven't changed as much as I hope I have. But I'm not worried. The whole purpose of our lives here on Earth is to change and to grow, because that is how we will find joy.

Love

Sister Barret